Fuck the internet, b.
The mighty Al Gore has provided the world with the means to overreact, overrate, and overanalyze the minutiae of life at the speed of 140 characters or less. Politics, Sports,
our own human sense of decency, and most especially, Hip-Hop has suffered thanks to our ability to make snap judgements. Everyone is a blogger, everyone has an opinion, and the perceived anonymity of a screen name allows suckas to say the most ridiculous things in an effort to be heard in a world that is, more and more, being drowned out by the sounds of its own mediocre arguments.
The Gift and The Curse is twofold- the barbershop of discussion has expanded to allow you to politic ditto with random strangers with their own tastes in music from across the globe. We have access to MORE music from MORE artists than ever before– there is NO excuse for you not to find SOMETHING you like to listen to. Unfortunately, the internets ease of use has eliminated the gatekeepers to the music business, ruined quality control, and the ability to have a civil discourse concerning this thing of
the Tall Isrealis ours.
The second is that artists have been forced to generate as much content as possible, no matter how inane or worthless, all to further the perception they are “grinding/hot/making moves,” lest the twitter/ blog-o-shpere/Comment section believe that you’ve “fell off.”
Consequently, we are bombarded with more freestyles, songs, leaked songs, videos, trailers to videos, official mixtapes, unauthorized mixtapes, trailers to mixtapes, trailers to trailers, interviews, trailers to interviews, concert footage, trailers to concert footage, photo shoots, and trailers to trailers of photo shoots then ever before.
Because of this, We discard, ignore, or plain ol’ FORGET more music than we enjoy over the course of a year, and we have been ushered to a point when artists like this actually receive PRAISE because of their “grind”, while more talented artists, well, don’t.
But I digress.
The point is is that the internet era of continuing news cycles, constant release of content, and our insatiable desire to be “new” has created an environment where many artists can control their narrative. This can work both for and against some artists, particularly major label artists who require a certain level of visibility to please their
Tall Isreali Overlords label heads and ever-fickle fanbase.
The following is a small compilation of some events that have occured over the past 8 months or so that I’m sure you have either forgotten about, deleted, or simply never got around to paying attention to, what with all the Twitter Beef, WorldStar Bunnies, Free’s ass and various celebrity nipple slips taking up your precious internet time.
H.A.M (Camel x Blouse)
With all the
industry-led cheerleading blatant demise of objective media hoopla surrounding the release of CamelBlouse’s self- high five, WTT, we sometimes forget its auspicious beginnings. Drunk off suckering white media receiving numerous accolades for his latest album, MBDTF, Blouse Ye, doing his best Tupac impression, declared that the Best of both Mason’s project, Watch The Throne, would be released in early January.
So of course, given the illuminati-funding both artists have lined their coffers with, the immeasurable numbers of industry leeches willing to suckle at their teet to work with either artist, and the ability of CamelGOAT to convince the world (or at least YN) that the Emperor still wears clothes, one would expect an epic first single that would silence all the nay-sayers, unite the hip-hop world, and finally convince us all that
Satan doesn’t exist Camel and Blouse are the undisputed kings of Hip-Hop… Right?
Instead, we got “H.A.M.”– a chuckle worthy exercise in Jayceon Taylor-level Ditto Pokemon dickriding that only further convinced a divided Hip-Hop fanbase that Blouse had officially lost his mind musically and Camel needed to give Roc Nation back their money and hang it up.
I mean, seriously– Lex Luger?? Opera singing? Lex Luger (Yea, I asked twice)? Subliminal disses? Please. Plus, neither Camel nor Blouse had (or have) the bass in their voice to to handle those 808s, but dammit, Lex Luger is on the radio, so here they were, sounding like a bunch of 12 year olds rapping into a Karaoke machine.
Anyway, other than a blatant attempt by MTV to convince people this song was dope, the vast majority of the internets rightly panned this pandering nonsense, leading to CamelBlouse absconding to points abroad to mash out their project, eventually relegating “H.A.M” to a bonus track buried at the end of their album
I Need a Doctor- Andre, Marshall, and that chick on Wasalu’s album
Ten fucking years. A million promises that this fucking album was actually going be released. Leaks like this, this, and this gave me SOME hope that you’d release a quality follow-up to a CD that defined my college years, Chronic 2001.
Fuck you, Andre.
Prelude To A Freestyle- Jay NEGLECTronica
A member of the ___Right C-section once brought forth the theory that Jay Elect has unwittingly developed the ultimate model of promotion for the internet age of Hip-Hop- Rather than release an entire project to be disected, overanalyzed, and ignored when the next big release drops the next day, you simply release individual songs of questionable quality that allow you to maintain a buzz (Buzz=Tour Money $$$) while allowing the artist to maintain a “That’s some old shit! Wait til the project is ready!” stance, creating a cycle of clusterfuckery culminating with a split in the fanbase– those who continue to hold out hope your endless stream of “Making Of” trailers and stuttering interviews will result in a timeless project, and the cynics who believe that your waiting on Carter Whitlow to drop off the next notebook of rhymes.
Anyway, since ACT II is apparently still waiting on those Nas Verses that derailed the project’s release back in 2009, we have been treated to a Seance, an Announcement, and a hypothesis about shiny businesswear which made it difficult for a Harlemite to breathe. Along with a couple of rough cuts (Fat Belly Bella) and a tribute to Gifted Unlimited Rhymes Universal, Jay had successfully used this tactic to keep anticipation for ACT II at a relative high level, without having to actually DELIVER on his talent.
Unfortunately a combination of moves- Signing with Roc Nation, “Shiny Suit Theory,” and the Mountain Dew Commercial – sent actual expectations from “Meh” to “Oh shit, this might happen!” Jay Neglect, unused to this amount of interest, decided to continue his cycle of un-mixed, half-baked pseudo intellectual rap by dropping “Prelude to a Freestyle…”
And that shit was met with crickets. And Twitter Ragers. And Jay retorting his critics. And more people trolling Jay with comments like this. A cycle of clusterfuckery in other words.
Simply put, “Where the FUCK is Act II, Nigga?”
Nate Dogg Passed Away:
Yeaa….. Rest in Power, Black Man.
Mobb Deep- Love You More x Dog Shit (ft. Nasir)
When Albert “Prodigy” Johnson was released from prison in early March, Hip-Hop had two questions foremost on their minds- Would Prodigy be capable of returning to form after essentially turning into an angry, rambling mess post-Summer Jam screen, and two (and probably most importantly) what type of HEAT did the Beverly Hills Beat Machine have in the stash for Prodigy’s return to rap? As it turned out, we received answers to BOTH questions the very DAY Albert was released from prison.
The answer was the abysmal “Love You More”, which curiously sounded like Alan doing his bad impression of his own beats. Albert, fresh out of the box, sounded like a nigga who was sneaking extra socks out the laundry room and was forced to detour into the chapel and read a few Psalms. Havoc? He just seemed happy people remembered he rapped.
It was what it was- the entire crew was given a pass cuz we KNEW that the Mobb wouldn’t go out like this- Too much talent; Too many classics; Too many memories. No Way in Hell would the crew end up being the 2011 Gospel Gangstaz… Right?
Well, a few days after this first track was released, the “bomb” was dropped- Nasir was recording with the Mobb again!!!
Alan the Chemist AND Havoc on the beat. Grimy shit was confirmed by the damn name alone. “Love Ya’ll More” was forgotten about- THIS was Albert’s lane- that Murda Muzik. The stans were in a frenzy. They held out hope that Nas wouldn’t drop off a recycled verse like he did here and here.
And then? It was over; Albert dropped a handful of guest verses– some dope, some not so dope, and some were he sounded completely out of his element. Promises of a joint Mobb/Nas album were floated. In the end, all we were left with the stunning realization that the Prodigy before us WASN’T the Jordan wearing the 45– he was Jordan in the Wizards jersey. There was no return to Murda Muzik P.
And maybe we shouldn’t have expected it at this point.
Curtis drops a Bunch of Dope Songs… and No One Really Gives a Fuck
Dwayne Carter x Cory “Rappity Rap” Gunz- 6’7
Remember when Dwayne got released from Rikers? Remember when Mack Maine dubbed this song, “A Milli on steroids?” Remember the “Real G’s Move In Silence Like Lasagna” line? Remember when Dwayne stans finally realized he fell off?
Yea, Me neither.
Year of the EP- condensed into one fucking month…
Marshall x Royce’s Bad Meets Evil, Alan x
Mushmouth Currensy’s Covert Coup, Prodigy’s Ellesworth Bumpy Johnson Story, Fabo’s The SOUL Tape, Krit’s Return of 4Eva, Tony Yayo’s GPG3, Nore’s NorEaster, Pusha T’s Fear of God…Hell, I think Cole released something all in like the span of 2 weeks!!!
What the FUCK am I supposed to do with that? What? Did all you niggas (and Kizza) want some damned attention?
How the FUCK am I supposed to sit down with all that music and make an informed decision? I barely have time to listen to music I LIKE, when can I find time to attempt to take a chance on a rapper I have no (vested) interest in like Currensy or Krit???
And therein lies the whole reason behind this particular exercise- How CAN one listen to SO much music and make an informed opinion? How are people declaring projects “classic” after barely a day to listen? Is anyone still playing This? or This? Hell, who remembers THIS? or This? Hell, I could go on ALL day, but the point is…
Well, I guess there is no point… You’ll probably forget I wrote all this shit by next week.
*Turns up The Real Is Back after finally taking it out of Download purgatory*
*Sees Jeezy has announced The Real Is Back 2*